This weekend I will be celebrating my second Mother’s Day and it’s a big one for our family, the first without our beloved Grandma and my mum’s first without her mum.
I can’t imagine what that would be like and my heart goes out to all of you spending your Mother’s Day without your mums this year.
I’m lucky enough to be surrounded by a big bunch of brilliant women in my life.
All of whom I’d call ‘great mums’ - yet all so different.
There’s my Grandmother, who gave her whole heart to each of her more than fifty descendants. Always kind, gentle and warm.
My Nanna. Tough as nails and honest to a degree that has created some rather awkward and hilarious moments. Her only wish in the world is to have her family safe and close.
There’s my mum, who I choose to spend time with as I would a best friend. She’s who I call on for a lunch date, to go shopping, and to describe every mundane detail of my days. So smart and driven, yet can be so ditzy that our family has coined the phrase ‘I did a Debbie’ for every time we do something silly.
My mother in law, who breaks all of the typical ‘mother in law’ rules by being approachable, open, welcoming, genuine and one of the easiest people to be around that I know.
So, what does make a great mum?
Clearly there’s no one-size fits all mold.
I frequently wonder if I’m good enough. Will Flynn one day call me a great mum?
I have this fear that one day someone is going to tap me on the shoulder and say,
“Hey, you know what? You have no idea what the hell you’re doing” and I’ll sigh with relief and respond with “Oh my goodness, finally someone noticed! I know, right?!”
Even as I sit here writing this I have that nagging feeling of guilt in the pit of my stomach.
Should I spend every waking moment playing with my son?
Am I a bad mum for not always being 100% present? For having other things to do, and for sometimes wanting to do other things?
That all got interrupted by Flynn shattering a glass on the floor… Oops. He’s fine, it’s amazing how quickly you can move when your baby’s in danger of getting hurt.
Maybe I’m not so bad after all.
That’s the thing. Being a great mum doesn’t mean being perfect 100% of the time. In fact, who wants a mum that is perfect ALL the time? That is a whole lot to live up to!
What lessons are ever learnt from constant perfection?
Mistakes make a great mum.
Trying and failing makes a great mum.
Allowing your kids to do the same makes a great mum.
This fear of not being good enough, or of being found out - it could paralyze you. It could make you so scared that you don’t take time for yourself, you don’t take risks, and you don’t allow your child to do the same.
Or, you could reframe how you look at it and it could empower you.
When I hear that little voice inside my head telling me that I’m not good enough, I use it as an opportunity to think and to reflect. I know that I am good enough. So how can I make this happen, how can I do it better, how can I change the way that I’m thinking about this?
Our minds are offering us up a tool – one that if we know how to use it could be shape a fantastic and fulfilling life. Or if we don’t, we might accidentally use it to nail our feet to the ground.
You see, that fear of being found out? It’s not unique to me; it’s not unique to you.
Being aware of it is powerful. You are good enough - in fact you are great!
You make mistakes and you care enough to reflect on them, to learn and to grow.
You love your child unconditionally so that they can do the same.
So, what do all of the amazing mother’s in my life have in common?
They are perfectly imperfect, and they allow me to be the same.
They’re great mums. So am I. So are you!
What do you think makes a great mum? I'd love to hear from you, comment below!
Happy Mother’s Day <3